Reverb

photo cell

good things are happening. i’m enjoying working for “the corporation”. they’re throwing more money my way..yes another raise. they actually treat me well. now to funnel the funds into more creative endeavors…like fundraising for my habitual interests. anyone else wanna sponsor?

since yesterday’s blog it seems like so many of you hidden po’folk are popping out to throw in your two cents. i appreciate it makes me feel loved, and a little disturbed hahah. live your own lives! haha just kidding you know i love each and every one of you.

so i was chatting with sukhi today…and i’ve come to the conclusion (yet again) that along with everyone else’s opinion….drama seeks me out like a missle. forget bombs over baghdad, it’s bombs over my head. oh well it just seems to happen, i don’t go looking for it, in fact i try to avoid it…but i guess i just attract it.

i think it’s time to invest in a new digital cam to document more memories. *shameless plug for my wishlist here* my wishlist is already toned down..i’m such a photo-whoring, techno-lusting camera geek. i love to capture the pain, the pleasure, the joy, the sorrow, the awe, the angst, the mahfan cackle, the mizthang booty, the danger, the weather, the couple on the beach, the plane landing, the horse falling, the burning, the “sensation”, the love. i love it all…give it to me…hahah

my modjo – lady project is once again on a slow roll picking up momentum again. i’m getting whored at work from co-workers…and i still have yet to add shells, jen, becky, and redo kathy…

so far the newest addition has been bree, and HW…and stupid me forgot to take tammy’s photo when she was in town..but i’ll hit you up girl when i get to new york.

it’s been a while since i’ve actually updated the flash file…it still just has wai the rda fanatic, ling aka lisa the eroto-grottette *grin*, cee the gypsy, kat the cat, and juice.

if you’re my friend you know i’m gonna hit you up to pose…so toss your inhabitions aside…because i’m blessed with beautiful friends…

the guys project is on it’s way too…set to prodigy’s – firestarter (many thanks to wai for being on teh same wavelength themewise)…

i’m on a roll stand aside…

oh yeah Kaila’s been getting bigger…so soon i’ll have all you who wanted to meet her come over..before she gets too big and old…pahty…birdy num num.

soothing aparatus.

the highlight of my day was my hair cut. there’s just something very comforting with getting my hair cut…not to mention a sense of enjoyment. it’s another one of my comfort items. my comfort drink? coffee…yes it strangely lulls me to sleep.

slipping on a pair of fresh socks does it for andre. getting my hair cut does it for me. paired with coffee and a vanilla scented candle i’m at a nice calm.

i’m at a calm dealing with the tangled web of events that have arisen. i’m still shocked to discover that at this age there’s still so many people stuck in a moment of their lives where they deal with things in such a childish manner.

then again with all the things i’ve seen that have happened to my other friends… i’m at the same time… not suprised. 30 year olds acting like they’re still 14. i guess it’s not suprising to see people in their 20′s acting like they’re 12 just heading out of gr.7 trying to make their mark. doing anything all for image. constantly trying to define “cool”.

it’s pleasantly refreshing watching all these so called scholastically dedicated people who you think are better suited with dealing with hardship crumble when it comes to something foreign. that’s one thing you can’t learn in school and have probably gone to far to ever be able to from life…and that’s coping with a disappointing outcome in life.

at the time i thought i was worse off…now looking back i’m glad i’ve gone through all the rough shit that i have early on. i feel like i’m in a better position to deal with the rest of my life. i feel sorry for all you young, power brokers, auditors, lawyers, doctors, yadda yadda successful professionals who’ve gone through ALL THESE YEARS of molding and have never had to deal with the curveballs that life throws. i know there’s different hardships in school…but the outside world takes up a far greater percentage of your lifespan than your school life.

there’s been a few that have managed to balance the two and have turned out to be extremely versatile and adaptive individuals who live very fulfilling lives…and to you guys (you know who you are)…i really look up to you and respect everything you’ve gone through.

for you that aren’t…and are now whining and crying cuz something “bad” has happened in your life…guess what? no one cares. that’s the honest truth. you’ll have people who tell you and act like they care…but you know what? it’s cuz they feel sorry for you and know that you’ll have a massive psychological break down. they’ll never admit to that as the reason though…and guess what else? the ones that do this are the ones you think are the closest to you…they’ve moved on experienced things and grown wiser, whilst you’ve been left behind without a clue.

i’m sorry. it truly am. i wish you had the opportunity early on to deal with shit too. it’s not out of spite, it’s out of concern that i say that. there’s so many more years ahead of you even when you’re in your 20′s. don’t be a fool and get stuck in a moment. get stung. learn from it. grow wiser. learn to cope with pain and hardship..the real way. things aren’t always going to be in a controlled environment like school.

i don’t even know why i care about people who obviously don’t return the mutual respect. perhaps cuz i used to be that way too and was lucky to get out of that rut.

—

it’s funny…i never would have imagined my blog turning into a beer bench gospel. it makes me chuckle to myself. to think my warped thoughts and experiences actually apeal enough for people to repeatedly return and read on. it’s definitely grown over the past *wow* 5 years…

there’s so many of you lurkers out there, not to mention people who’ve stumbled here from friends of friends of friends who are located half way around the globe…the internet is hilarious. i’ve now got a few strictly online friends haha. why do all of you email me instead of making your mark on my shout box? haha ah well i guess not everyone’s as open with their private lives hehe…one of these days i’ll expose you all haha
—

there seems to be quite a bit of happenings this week. other than work…there’s the rebirth of wangs wednesday. bouldering friday possibly. wedding saturday. the company team event at the PNE sunday with dimsum in the morn. the following week just as crazy.

—

here’s a msg to pass on to whoever your “Sarah” might be – boy or girl. ~Wave~ style. Don’t say her name.

it’s been proven. my love you’ve been abuse’n // so i let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do // all i want to do, is be more like me and less like you // eventually break down, everything has to end // i don’t love you no more, going show myself to the door // somehow you let my interest wander, now i’m fond of someone else who’s digging me for me it’s what i long for // you took your things, your clothes, and everything else you could see, i feel like the only thing you left behind was me // you’re unwanted. now you’re stung.

—

prize for the person who manages to single handedly bring back P.L.U.R. haha talk about nostalgia…make me laugh someone. oh god DJ Jean – The Launch (Yomada Remix) bwhahaha make me cackle like a rabid monkey.

—

in need of tony robbins

it’s like halloween on christmas. a masacre of emotionally epic proportions. that indecision that inflicts the plaque on time. time soon deteriorates and provides no solace. it’s difficult to believe in the nature of time when all you hear is “don’t waste my time.”

self-help. it should work, it works for millions and it built millions for tony robbins. a constantly pragmatic attitude is supposed to provide you with constant truth right? it seems like taking that stance has poisoned the well with misinformation and dramatic incidents.

people need to stop and think for a moment about how contradictory their walk is when compared to their talk. why bother saying something when you know deep down not an ounce of your being can fulfill your so called intentions. everyone loves ear candy, but the genuine can see past it.

people claim change happens. without third party influence, self-induced change is usually a good thing. i don’t believe change exists legitimately when the catalyst for it is someone else. it morphs from change to adaptation. much like a chameleon who adapt, the change is temporal. the genuine can see past it.

you’ve got to realize when a situation arises between people. you can only take onus for your own actions. stop believing it’s 50/50. it’s 100/100. one hundred percent your own responsibility for your own actions and the same applies for the other party. if both parties can realize that, then the situation can rest in the past without resurfacing. adaptation occurs to try to influence the other person. it also occurs to put up a facade of change. cut the crap, the smart see through it. when this happens, situations will continue to dwell and re-surface and re-kindle a painful burn.

asked if you’re a fighter or a lover, that’s just a statement posed in the form of a question. there is no difference. if you’re a fighter, you’re a lover and vice versa. you fight for what you love and you love what you fight for. if you lose sight of what you’re fighting for and you continue fighting and claim it as love, you’re simply a wannabe martyr.

no one can respect someone who pretends to be something they’re not. we all respect passion, drive and commitment — as we’re passionate, driven, and committed beings.

a genuine martyr is hard to come by, but a genuine martyr is a love fighter. thus it boils down to two things. if you can be respected for your actions, or if you can’t. this is where sometimes fighting for the right thing involves doing something wrong. as long as your actions are completely genuine and honest it can be respected — even if those actions might initially come off as the incorrect, wrong, assholish thing to do. there’s no point in doing something that’s socially acceptable if that’s just not who you are. you can fool the foolish and sell the blind man. when it comes down to the people who aren’t third eye blind, there’s no other way around being yourself.

it’s not an elitest comment when i say that only 10% of the world is intellectually capable of comprehending growth. 10% is already being very generous. when i speak of growth i mean development, you have to be able to comprehend the concept in order to actually be able to execute. for most people they live their lives to improve it, constantly working out the kinks and removing any burs or faults. then there’s the types who do so because they’re being piloted by the rest of society. if you’re just handicapped in the manner of self-development that’s just the way it’s going to be. it’s like a room filled with blind cheerleaders. just because you’re being told you’re doing a great job, ra ra ra doesn’t mean you are. majority does not rule. only those that have sight can see. that’s just ground zero – if you can’t comprehend change you just can’t execute it. those that can, can see that you’re fooling yourself into thinking you’re developing and growing.

the world is too politically correct for people. we could see that 10% demographic grow if people could just be blatantly honest. maybe it would knock some sense into people. being nice and politically correct may get you by, but it’s all a sham. ignore it, be yourself, act the way you do because it is the way you are. that’s far more respectable. forget what others think of you, there’s no need to put on a fake show…because what people REALLY think of you is that you’re a fucking idiot for supressing your real intentions. break out of the mold and the cycle…be you and live free and true even if it’s going to step on a few toes. you do it anyways.

it’s disturbing by nature, but liberating by choice. chose to live and remember the dream — your dream.

every morning can be filled with waking life, watered by liquid sunshine and drenched in pure euphoria.

continue to dream of angels from your nightmares, quarters on the sidewalks, wind in your hair, blooming beauty, intellectual stimulus, and other forms of energetic expressions of emotion.

standing alone. caring. in pain. tasting the bitter acid rain. yet joyfully enjoying the experience and eagerly awaiting the rewarding outcome on the other side of the world. a bittersweet symphony parading a promising song of happiness.

it comes faster than expected

what about going the distance? you can shorten it by taking bigger strides. screw fast short steps they just exhaust you. i’ve finally got this down right this time. unless there’s a third option that i’ve missed.)

it’s true. there’s a few things i hate about you, and they’re all menial to everyone else i suppose.

i hate your lack of phone etiquette. i hate your inability to spell simple words (i used to think it was just typos). i hate how you hold your knife. i hate how you treat your “friends”. i hate how you think you’re cute.

now that i’ve experienced that. i’m turning it around. i’ve found something much better. i’ve found the ability to free myself.

i’m looking for a change. i’m looking for discovery. i’m looking to let go of the plush toys and grab hold of the hard edge. i’m gonna scandal up the bloids and stay in the game. it’s all about staying power.

heh. *grin* – card up the sleeve.

you got it bad

when you’re struggling to make it past midnight so you can say you had a great night…you know you got it bad when you hear: “let’s go home and play ghost recon”.

it’s fine and dandy to eliminate hostiles in a silent night time insertion…but…somewhere out there you can just hear that *cough*loser*cough*.

today consisted of seeing off my cousin alex and his gf tammy. we went for dim sum. it was great. dim sum is great. i did a lot of laundry today too…and it was very hot. that sucked.

tomorrow is a busy day. i’ve been busy busy busy. why does everything always seem so packed?

—

the whole quarter life crisis is kicking in again, and technically i’m not even at the quarter life mark. the urge to expand my horizons further are taking over. the need to relieve myself from the constant consistency of a steady job with a steady pay period is increasing. i’m not sure why this happens it just does once in awhile.

it’s been a few years since i’ve finished with film school. i’m wanting to return to school for some more learning. learning is great i never want to stop. however i’ve been wanting some more professional learning resulting in some sort of accreditation. Sheridan has always been a place of interest with the discovery of their association with a York provided degree it seems like a wise choice…cept for one thing debt.

—

maybe, there’s something wrong that just won’t right itself.
perhaps, that’s the way it’s got to be in order for me to aquire a state of mental wealth. my head’s been racing with thoughts and schemes of happiness. occasionally interruptions are created by the world of pseudo-reality that we live in. a realm that we create blistered by pockets of quasi-happiness. what’s real? everything’s gone as soon as we grab. life likes to joke with me, unfortunately i always miss the punchline. this time i’m telling the jokes, and life is going to have to move on without me explaining it.

it’s official, components of life flash before my eyes. deja vu in a waking state of non-existance. searching for a way to demystify the feelings behind everything. trying to make a bold impact. sometimes i need a little innovation.

time to retire to bed again and watch the movies play out in my head the way it should.