Reverb

white women

so to all my asian brethren. here’s the secret care of my good buddy Adam Quan.

here’s the secret

this is also what makes william hung so appealing. he’s even kindly left a comment.

i figure that’s good for a few.

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anyways with that out of the way…i’ve been realizing we’re all reaching a critical point in our lives…wai,eric,shelley, myself, danielle, everyone. this is good. because it means we’re all gonna have a explosive burst of goodness which will slowly filter down and across the little group of various parties here and there.

hehe.

oh boy my head is so scattered lately.

that’s enough.

shred it

my shredder has been put to use quite a bit lately. shredding all sorts of retarded important documents that i could live without. namely those stupid pre-approved credit card applications, convenience cheques, and get this..a pre-approved business loan for $500,000. WTF DO I NEED THAT FOR? i swear they send that crap to me so someone can rummage through my trash and steal my identity. haha.

so yes i’ve been shredding everything i’ve collected over the past 5 months. now all we need is everyone to invest and we can buy ourselves a woodchipper…for all those dead bodies…

so it seems like it’s time to shred many things. important documents. past memories. yes i said it…memories. time to get rid of the useless to fill with new ones…more memorable and more pleasant.

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as much as we all hate “the game” that’s what life and love is. just look at how we refer to it. we set “goal’s”. we “score” the girl. there’s “cheating”. breaking the “rules”. or maybe we just all have it reversed and all our forms of entertainment our games are based on life. regardless everything seems to matter less when you treat it that way.

i don’t know if there’s a way to escape it though, and for that matter how to treat things. i guess it depends on how you perceive things. i mean if we treated everything like a game, everything’s in fun, etc etc…then yes we can probably endure all the hardships and toughies..but then where’s the value?

then there becomes valuing things so much we forget to let loose sometimes…and we forget to enjoy.

i’m glad i have a good balance right now of happiness, stress, enjoyment, seriousness, everythign i need to keep myself sane. the level of stress is perfect to keep my ass in gear and motivated to improve. yet enough happiness and enjoyment to maintain a sense of fun. they should invent a flintstone vitamin for life. i’d make millions if i could pull that off.

hehe.

pruning the stems

so today was spent arising to work and beating the morning rush. success? no. i still hate all the ubc students that clog the arthur laing. yes that’s right…i hate. i’m sure you’re all very studious, but when it comes to adding an extra 15 minutes to my commute. you guys are on your own. i hate you. it sucks. especially when that extra 15 minutes is from this short little span that spans 2 city lights. lame.

work was alright it flew by, last minute decision to hang out with tree, she had to buy some gift for her friend’s bday…success? no. once again it quickly resulted in a need for comfort drink. enter stage left: caramel macchiato. grande. extra caramel. mmmm.

after a nice dinner at tropika, mmm spinach..it was time to return to the mall. i had to occupy myself somehow. we decided the mall was the best bet…got us in out of the rain. we could possibly find something. if not we would’ve walked off our dinner. perfect. i discovered the bay started carrying springfield. i actually quite like their stuff and i’ll bet not very many people shop at the bay so it’ll still be rather unique. hopefully. course they don’t carry exactly the same stuff as some of their flagship stores, but the wonderfully nice thing is there’s no stores in the GREAT USA! haha mainly a euro influence in strange places like the United Arab Emirates, Austria, Spain, Cyprus, Hellas, Jordan, Peru, Singapore etc…i could essentially create a new wardrobe without too much fear of bumping into someone with the same thing.

Last attempt was my Industry jeans that i love so much…i was quickly dispelled when i discovered Hills started carrying them just last month. =o( Yes Hills as in the birthplace of Aritzia. *sigh*

anyways after all that was said and done, i couldn’t handle it anymore..i had to return home. just a depressing day of unsuccess. couldn’t navigate traffic. couldn’t buy anything.

anyways. now i’m sitting here high fidelizing my collection of songs and movies. new mood, new order.

this song is thanks to lustra, i find it quite funny…one of matt damon’s better cameo’s i think. a la eurotrip. SCOTTY DOESN’T KNOW. damn you fiona you’re a bitch haha. fuck you all.

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i think i’ve always been a tad bit masochistic and it reflects in the way i handle situations i believe. if only i could see-saw to more of a sado way of thinking. sometimes it hurts so bad. i just don’t understand sometimes. i guess i’m a little raw at the edges.

i just can’t understand when negative things happen repeatedly how they turn back. once, okay. twice. okay. thrice? i don’t get it. it’s just like mamma’s that get beat. he does it cause he cares about you right? maybe i have such a low tolerance for seeing this pattern because of all the people i know affected.

just like mel, you make me worry…your sis worries. everytime what’s his face..trang, trung or whatever beats you when he gets drunk. you’re lucky he’s a shrimp and guys like me can kick the shit out of him when it gets bad. what’s with all the chances though? you go stay at your sis’…and when he apologizes you go back. *sigh*

just like jess, you confuse me. everyone knows how much he creeps. even you know, but you don’t know. it’s like you block it out and are incapable of releasing yourself. you can find yourself better. yet everytime the sorry’s start coming, you forgive and forget. yes it’s always good to forgive, the forget part sometimes entails “forget trying”… get out of that crap.

why do good people always end up in situations like this? i can’t understand. i just can’t comprehend no matter how hard i try. it hurts my brian. it hurts my heart. it hurts my hands.

but i’m just as guilty in the end…i need to remove myself emotionally from situations like this….yet i continue to be concerned and thus repeatedly get to feel the burn. ouch.

you’d think i’d be used to this by now. the constant struggle to keep from being jaded, makes me more vulnerable to becoming jaded. how ironic.

standard fare

i’m still amazed by how many people i know affected by people with the maturity level of an elementary school child. let’s see, there’s the guy that’s 30 and still gets offended when the ex “steals” his friends. i didn’t know that friendship was something you could steal. someone at that age still smoking the green day in and day out. working a grunt job without any trace of career aspirations. wow. i thought it was bad to see this happen in your 20′s…this still happens in your 30′s apparently.

then there’s the guy in his 20′s who still creates imaginary worlds, spinning tales that rival the brothers grimm…and then believes them to be true. someone who acts like they’re schizophrenic…not the commonly misconceived notion of having split personalities, but being “split” from reality. sad thing is with this person it’s self induced due to never maturing not actually from a medical condition. it’s only bad because they force this “reality” on to others.

now there’s the other one that is missing ambition and drive. lacking focus and goals. living someone else’s life. living what his parents have told him to. living what society has told him to. living based on other people’s directive instead of his own. now he’s completely filled with dissatisfaction. because he’s given up control of his own life, he believes it’s everyone else’s fault. time to lay blame and dish it out like a blackjack dealer. treating everyone around him with such disparaging demeanor. as volitile as a hand of blackjack.

the sad thing with all these people? they don’t realize blame only exists with yourself. you can’t blame other’s for the things that happen in your life. regardless of how it may seem like it involves others. yes situations usually involve multiple variables, but you gotta realize you can only control one — yourself. you dictate your future. you dictate your life. if things aren’t going your way you can only do the best to make it work for you, you can’t blame someone else for being somewhere you don’t want to be. if you don’t want to be there, move. it’s as simple as that when you break it down.

it’s always easier to place the onus on someone else, but grow up — that’s so lame. take control yourself. it’s okay if you wish to place the onus on someone else, but when it doesn’t go your way cuz that someone else didn’t act the way you like, you can only blame yourself — you’ve chosen to let someone else run your life.

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it’s sad it boils down to the fact that you lack satisfaction in your lives. the worst case of poor self-esteem due to it being self-inflicted. now the only way to make you feel “normal” is to bring everyone else around you down, even those that you claim to care about. give it up, you’re not fooling anyone but yourself. you think you’re a martyr, but you’re once again trying to find another excuse. that’s all your life is, a big fat excuse. always trying to find something to justify it with. someone to blame. something to make you feel like you have control. that’s not what it’s about…it’s all about yourself…respect it and maybe people will soon follow suit. don’t you realize you’re sinking your own ship? it’s going down and you’re losing everyone who believed in you, they’re all bailing ship because they realize how helpless it’s become. no one can help you but yourself. grow up. get out. open your eyes. when you can see yourself, others will too.

testing out my new comments section

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