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Quarter-life Rumination

Quarter-life Rumination

905 views Since it was Spewed out 12 years, 4 months ago at 2:52 am

With the quarter century mark for me coming up shortly, I can confidently look backwards in time at my life and say with the utmost lack of confidence… “huh?”

Apparently this period as of late where I’m pondering every single aspect of life, where I’m headed, who I am, how is this going to happen? why is this like this? what is happening? when will it all click? is all part of this “quarter-life crisis” period.

Millions of people just like me are going through it according to various sources, it’s great to know there’s a bunch of essentially numbed, dazed, confused, tormented, directionless, souls roaming about.

All at the same time everything seems to have so much meaning, yet not. It’s common to feel: confusion about your identity, insecure about the future, insecure about what you’ve accomplished, disappointment with your job, nostalgia for highschool / post-secondary life, bored with social interactions, loneliness, and stress over finances. You start to re-evaluate close interpersonal relationships and start to develop and hold stronger opinions.

I’m quickly learning that things I have a jaded view of actually have a deep meaning to others.

Today I learned a few more family secrets. Things that provide a backstory of why you were raised a particular way certainly make things click a little differently. Timing is a crucial thing, too bad the best timing is always assessed in hindsight.

Relationships are important and as humans they are inevitable. They come in all sizes. The relationship with your parents, your friends, the employer, the employees, the co-workers, the significant other, the carpool buddy, the receptionist, etc.

Where am I at? I’m at the point of rediscovering what should define me and what should change about me. What to be confident of and what to be ashamed of. I’ve been looking at things to cut loose. Figuring out how to move on to bigger and better things. Life is a constant upgrade isn’t it? Everday is a new day and every day you grow wiser.

I had the chance to visit a seniors long term care home last week. It was probably one of the most enlightening experiences I’ve had as of late. I was taking a tour of the facilities and I realized a few things. There’s plenty of life to live. For some it is too much life, for others it isn’t enough life, and for some it’s just the right amount of life. So what was so enlightening? I asked a few what was one of their most prolific life lesson learned in all their years of wisdom. There wasn’t a single soul that didn’t respond the same regardless of which category they fit into. They all said they wished they took more chances with the choices they made. *note to self* hold on to nugget of wisdom.

This journey of seeking appreciation in both what I do and who I am is definitely odd. A queer combination of self-doubt and self-confidence. Its the itch of life. The balance of “where’d that itch come from?” with “boy that feels good to scratch !” I’m at the point where I feel like great things can be achieved, yet I need to figure out what’s holding me back and break free from it.

There’s no more teenage stupidity to blame things on. I’ve spent many countless hours in my shower think tank. I still have not found many answers, however I’ve come to discover plenty more clues.

Now the process of piecing everything together into a coherent masterpiece of direction, identity, and social awareness.

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