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Quarter Life

Validation By Numbers

731 views Since it was Spewed out 12 years, 5 months ago at 8:07 pm

I was just reading about a friend’s quarter-life crisis experience and was reminded of my own not too long ago. In fact it’s been coming and going in waves for the past little while. I’ve come to realize in our society it’s pretty much normal. It’s just the culture we’re raised in here. In fact I posted about my little episode last year.

It’s quite odd to look back and read that now. Realizing that my feelings on some issues have stayed the same and with others have completely changed.

I realize that snippet of wisdom I picked up at the senior’s housing complex of “…take more chances…” is something I really haven’t executed fully. I’ve taken tiny little chances, but honestly why not take a big plunge. I’ve been looking at moving to NYC. With my little analytical brain, I’ve been attempting to make sure everything is just so perfectly in place before making the trek over.

Well this may be the last year of that. I’ve told myself that I will give myself till the end of 2007 to try to lay the groundwork and get everything set up properly. If it doesn’t happen by then, I’m just going to pack my bags and take my chances. What’s the worst that could really happen? I learn a ton about myself? That’s not so bad. I incur some debt? I’ve been so anal about having a $0 balance on everything I’ve never been required to manage much debt, another learning experience. I end up homeless? There’s always a place I can go back to if need be. I can’t see much of a pitfall at this point in time and all I seem to remember now is simply this. There are people in far worse situations, with far less opportunities.

My feelings of being not very content with where I am continue to brew within me. I’m finding myself convincing myself that things are good, my job is good, and life is fine. However, that’s just a big cover-up of my underlying feelings. Everyone knows how much I love Vancouver. How much Vancouver is a part of me. Yet strangely over these past two years, I’ve been yearning to move away. The past few years (essentially the duration of these 20’s) have been all over the place in terms of contemplation.

Relationships have come and gone. I’ve discovered that often times having a crush is so much better than being in a relationship with that someone. Often times that person is just better in your head than when you discover what they’re really like. Sad but true. Relationships with family members can fizzle out and quite honestly may have fizzled out years ago without you realizing. Just because family is lifelong, doesn’t mean the emotional aspects of “family” are anywhere present.

Realizing that extended family can be immediate family is a vital part of survival for those that feel this way. Friends can become family sure, but there’s really nothing better than real family when you’re yearning to have what other people have with their blood.

I’ve realized we all have our individual roles to play. Life is definitely one giant improv show. We’re challeneged every day to live up to different characterizations and challenges. Your responsibilities in different environments and different paradigms of life are ever changing and sometimes it just becomes way too difficult to roll with the ebb and flow. Things become increasingly difficult to manage and juggle as you try to work everything into your own vision of yourself and character.

Breaking free isn’t really an option or a solution for that matter. Embracing the reality of these constant variations in your life and adapting them to your own interpretations is where the key lies in my opinion. Constant re-evaluation and keeping yourself in check is the only way not to fall off the path you wish to set for yourself. It’s so easy to get caught up in the distractions of the world and leave your own goals and passions behind. You become driven for all the wrong purposes and pretty soon you’re headed towards a wall you really didn’t expect.

This is a reminder to myself to get a grip on things and get headed in the proper direction. Age is but a number. For everyone that’s known me for so long they all know I have a messed up view of age. Everyone has their own reasoning for why I view things the way I do when it comes to age. Some things mentioned have been hurtful, other things have been encouraging. I’ve learned to take everything with a grain of salt and to extract the positive in everything.

Slowly unlearning the things that some certain people have pounded into my head. That having been attracted to someone much older was so terribly wrong. That taking on roles of employment typically reserved for older folks was great. That there’s a magic formula for age. Friends who are older who are still in blue collar jobs are lesser people. There’s always something that can be learned from what people say, regardless of how untrue it may be. Truth is the underlying principle when you break everything down. Regardless of how untrue some things are, they inevitably deviated from some form of original truth. Finding that snippet of truth results in you leaving with a gem. I’d like to think I’ve collected a few gems over these past few years.

This is heavy enough for one post. Till another night!

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