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Fat Ass

Fat People On The Subway

802 views Since it was Spewed out 6 years ago at 9:00 am

This is obviously a post out of frustration, but I’m certainly not the only one.  Not trying to be offensive here, but seriously I’m talking about the beyond control obese people.  Multiple times this week I’ve been delayed or missed a train because of one of you fatties.

So here’s my question.  For the same reason why it’s suggested you don’t bring your bike on the train during rush hour, shouldn’t fat people be advised to stay off the train?

From the MTA regarding bikes:

Bicycles are permitted on Subway trains at all times. However, we strongly recommend that cyclists avoid boarding crowded rush hour trains. Be courteous to your fellow passengers by standing with your bike, moving it so others can pass, and not blocking doors

This could easily be applied to fat people simply by substituting the words “bicycle”, “cyclists” or “bike” with “fatties” or something to that affect.

Fatties are permitted on Subway trains at all times.  However, we strongly recommend that fatties avoid boarding crowded rush hour trains.  Be courteous  to your fellow passengers by standing with your fat, moving the folds so others can pass, and not blocking doors.

See simple right?

I’d also like to know why you must swing your arms in a circular and horizontal flapping motion, as if you’re like an overweight penguin trying to take flight. (This is especially prominent with verys short and obese people)

Please don’t tell me it is to help stabilize you as you walk. That’s a bunch of crock since you’ve got such a giant center mass anchoring you, your proportionately tiny flailing arms aren’t going to do anything.

By walking like this you are a total douche. You block the stairs with your slow pace and your wild arm movements prevent anyone from circumnavigating you.  If Columbus tried to sail around your waistline he’d get stuck in your ass crack and proclaim it India.

You already move at a snails pace, there’s no need to hold up everyone else. Either stay off the train during rush hour, or do us all a favor and get the hell out of the way. You’re almost worse than a tourist on the sidewalk snapping photos.  Don’t even get me started on tourist fatties.

Don’t act surprised when you get the dirty stare by the guy sitting next to you in the morning when your fat spills over the 1.5 seats you’re already occupying to repeatedly suffocate him with each jolt of the train.

Stop eating all those burgers, maybe start walking over a few stations more before hopping on the train and eventually you’ll have brought your weight back in line with the average subway rider.   It’s pathetic when a subway car’s bench seating that normally fits 4 comfortably can now only hold you and a small child.

Seriously MTA, you should be like the Airlines that make fatties buy an extra fare for the extra seat.  You raised the price for everyone, how about you charge the fat people extra for the extra room they take up.  That has to be at least 2 less riders on the train/in the system.  The money you’ll make will help plug your budget deficit.

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2 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Gravatarthedawn

    Thee most awesome rant I have EVER read in my life! Don’t sit if you can’t fit!!

  2. GravatarBob

    How bout the assholes that sit on the train with their legs wide open. Wishing their balls are too heavy for the seat.

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